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YOUTH EMPOWERMENT
PRESS! outh Empowerment Press! |
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Fall 2008 |
Download the newsletter
at www.nyln.org or
for hardcopy, please call Betsy at 1-866-480-6565. |
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Table
of Contents: Letter
from the President Page 3 In
Memoriam Elbert
Johns Page 4 Being
Careful in the Dating Scene Page 6 Perceptions
of a “Different” Marriage Page 7 Disabilities
and Sexuality Page 9 A
Member’s Story Page 11 International
Corner Page 12 Donation Page 15 People
of Thanks Page 16 Federal Funders: |
A Letter from the
Executive Director “What’s Not In It For Me?” By Betsy Valnes
Too often, it seems, the response is the
same for all these questions: “Because it looks good on a resume.” You
should volunteer at the homeless shelter…
You should apply for the board of the local arts council… You should submit a proposal to speak at
the conference on environmental preservation…
Why? Because it would look good
on your resume. Well, you know
what? No more. No more will I smile and nod when I hear
such a reply. No more will I release
that reflexive “Uh-huh” in assumed agreement.
Don’t get me wrong. Share your
skill and be proud of what you do!
When you accomplish something that you have worked long and hard to
achieve, shout it from the mountain tops!
When you receive an award for your expertise, make it known to anyone
and everyone. And throughout it all,
know that I will be there to applaud you, every step of the way. But I’m tired of the recognition for a task
determining its value. I’m tired of
the influence behind accepting a responsibility being whether or not it
warrants a line on a piece of paper.
Civil rights activists did not picket in front of the Capitol Building
because they wanted their name in the newspaper. They knew that something needed to be done,
they saw a responsibility, and they seized it. Pioneers of the Disability Movement did not
sit in front of Congressional committees justifying the need for accessible
buildings or inclusive education or equal employment opportunities because
they thought it would lead to a promotion.
They recognized how lives could be changed because of their actions
regardless of whether or not they got a bullet point under “Community
Service.” One of my mentors serves as a CEO (boss)
for a private company. He revealed
that his company’s success came from ‘true’ quality employees. When asked the definition of such a term,
he said, “First impressions before
the first impression tell all.” His
office had a direct view of the main entrance of the building. When applicants came for interviews, he
intentionally laid a broom on the ground in front of the main door. As the job candidates approached the
building, he would watch their every move.
Would they pick up the broom?
Or wouldn’t they? Would they
take a few moments to do something that needed to be done and not think twice
about who was watching? Or would they
step over this seemingly small, unrecognized obligation and, instead, move
toward the bigger prize? Activists in our community make incredible
accomplishments every day, but it’s far too easy to forget that the plaques
and the awards don’t measure significance.
Every day we have responsibilities that may not lead to any form of
congratulations or immediate recognition.
Yet, that does not mean that those same tasks do not need to be
done. It does not mean that those
responsibilities are any less important.
So, the next time you see a board position
being advertised, apply because you know the organization needs a new voice
or because your ideas could broaden its outreach or improve its
services. The next time you see a
non-profit organization’s poster seeking volunteers on the weekends, offer
your skills, your time and your expertise because you know that the journeys
of others’ lives will be eased as a result.
The next time you see a broom lying on the ground in front of a
business, pick it up…not because your future boss may be watching, but
because you know it’s the right thing to do. A Letter From the President By Dear NYLN Family, This month’s newsletter is on sexuality and
relationships! Many NYLN members felt that this is something really important
for our community and did a lot of work around this issue. I am very proud of
them.
Talking about sexuality means talking about
our bodies and how we fit in them. Sometimes, because of our past history
with other peers, doctors, things we’ve been told, or bad experiences, it is
difficult to talk about these things. That’s okay: we don’t ever have to do
anything we don’t feel comfortable doing. At the same time, a lot of scary
things related to these topics are happening. Disabled women have to fight to
have control over their bodies (i.e. many women have been sterilized without
their consent.) Now there are even treatments where parents can make their
young children stop growing. Often we aren’t included in receiving
information we need to take care of ourselves. The rate of physical and
mental abuse is unbelievably high for our community. A lot of these things
are happening because too many people are quiet about them. All of these issues are things that we can
change. FRIDA, a feminist disability rights group in Chicago (ourfrida.org),
has been doing a lot of work in this area. So have many of our allies in
other movements. Let’s join them and get to work! With love and in community, Stacey Email address: stacey.milbern@gmail.com IN MEMORIUM Elbert Johns
NYLN wants to take this moment to remember
Elbert Johns. Elbert served as a key
mentor to the Network. He supported us
behind the scenes since we began.
Through TheArcLink, Inc. NYLN was able to have support and mentorship
for our fiscal (money-related) responsibilities. Our ability to do this was because of
Elbert. (Please note: This obituary
does not follow NYLN’s Accessibility Guidelines. However, we wanted to print it as was
shared with the community.) This obituary was printed in The Herald
Times, Bloomington, IN; July 17, 2008: “Elbert
Johns, age 64, passed away Monday, July 14 at Bloomington Hospital. Elbert was born May 14, 1944, in Paducah,
Ky., to Elbert and Myrtle Johns. Elbert
graduated from Lambuth College, receiving a degree in Religion Philosophy,
and went on to earn his Masters of Divinity at Duke University. He began his
life of service as a minister in the Methodist Church, before he dedicated
his life to serving children and adults with developmental disabilities.
Elbert was an advocate for the fair and equal treatment of all people and
believed that everyone deserved to be treated with love and dignity. Through
his passion, Elbert co-founded The ArcLink, a nationwide resource for persons
with developmental disabilities and their families. He was significantly
involved in the ARC (formerly the Association for Retarded Citizens) on both
a state and national level, and was a leader on a number of initiatives and
committees within these organizations. Elbert
was a devout and active member of Trinity Episcopal Church. He was also
devoted to his family, showing patience and grace through which he was an
inspiration as a parent, spouse, friend and colleague. Elbert is survived by
his wife of 39 years, Christina M. Johns, with whom he shared a true love
story; his four children: Christopher Johns and his wife Laura and their
children Madison, Audrey, and Victoria of Carmel, IN; Jennifer (Johns) Sutton
and her husband Patrick and their children Sophia and Calloway of Greenville,
SC; Peter Johns and his wife Alejandra and their children Ronan and Maia of
Los Angeles, CA; Ann (Johns) Dicks and her husband Ryan and their children
Wilson and Cooper of Seattle, WA; and his two nephews, Michael French and his
wife Erin of Atlanta, GA, and Stephen French of Atlanta, GA. He
was preceded in death by his parents and his sister, Carolyn French. A
visitation will be held on Friday from 5pm-7pm at Trinity Episcopal Church in
Bloomington. The funeral service will be held on Saturday at 1pm at Trinity
Episcopal Church, with a reception to follow at the church. In
lieu of flowers, Elbert would like memorial contributions to be made to
TheArcLink, 320 W. 8th Street, Suite 126, Bloomington, IN 47404, or to
Trinity Episcopal Church (memo “Capital Campaign”), 111 S. Grant St.,
Bloomington, IN 47408. Allen Funeral Home is in charge of arrangements.” Being Careful in
the Dating Scene By Alicia Payne Most of us think nothing bad could happen
to us on a date. At least we hope it
wouldn’t. But what if you were in that
situation? Would you know what to do?
I got myself out of the relationship, but
it was a tough lesson to learn. Dating
can be fun, but you have to be careful.
The purpose of dating is finding someone who has your best interests
at heart. From everything I’ve learned in the last
two years, I would recommend the following to people in the dating world: ·
Be careful; ·
Make sure your
relationship starts with friendship and trust; ·
Make sure you have things in common; ·
Don’t feel like you are being forced to do anything you
don’t want to do; ·
Before you get into a relationship, love yourself and
be happy with who you are. |
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Perceptions
of a “Different” Marriage
By Lacy
Pittman
Alan Muir
was born with Spondylo-Epiphyseal
Dysplasia (SED) which is a form of dwarfism. Although this is considered a
disability, Muir perceives it as normal. Growing up he attended school, had
average sized friends, and did things other children would do. Thus, he never
thought of himself as different, other than from a height perspective. While at
Adelphi University, Muir met his wife Laura who is an average sized person and
a midwife.
Throughout their 23 years of marriage the difference in height has sometimes
been an issue in social settings. For instance, three examples are: the
reaction from the little person (LP) community, the responses from
average-sized people, and questions within their marriage about having
children.
In the LP community there are many opinions about
what makes an “ideal marriage.” For example, is it “right” for a LP to marry a person with a different
height? The LP community is not in one central location, it is spread across
the country and throughout the world. At the annual Little Person’s National
Conference (LPA) the opinions vary. Some believe that one should only date
within the LP community and not date anyone taller. The reaction to any other
type of relationship can be unfriendly. For example, during a conversation
about a mutual friend between an older LP woman and the Muirs, the woman made
the comment, "well, at least, she married an LP." This comment
was indirectly pointed towards the Muir couple. The Muirs perceived this less
than welcoming feeling as a generational trend, for older people seemed to have
more of a mixed response while younger couples are more accepting. According to
Muir, at the LPA Conference and other events, it is hard for couples with
differing heights to feel comfortable in the larger group.
Muir and his wife receive mixed reactions from
average sized people too. For instance, average sized children are curious
about Muir. They often feel they need to touch him and make sure he is real.
Other children run away and are frightened. Muir believes that these reactions
might come from the media. This is because so many times the media makes fun of
the LP community by calling LPs “midgets.” This is very offensive to the LP
community. Another example is when Muir and Laura went to a nice restaurant
where they frequently ate. Muir dropped Laura off at the front door and parked.
The hostess was friendly to Laura but did not know who she was. When Muir
entered the restaurant, the waiter then knew who Laura was because she was married
to Muir. Once the waiter knew who Laura and Muir were, they felt that the
waiter treated them differently because Muir is a LP.
Although Muir does not take offense to other
people’s reactions, Laura is sometimes troubled by them. Earlier in their relationship
Laura was more sensitive to other people’s reactions. She noticed them more
quickly than Muir and was offended by some comments. In the last several years,
Laura has taken Muir’s stance on these situations. Now, Laura either ignores
the comments or handles the situation differently. She believes you have to
pick your battles and many comments are not worth acknowledging.
There
are some other issues within their marriage that have been under discussion.
Muir and his wife considered having
children. From a medical standpoint, there is a 50-50 chance that their child
could be average-sized or a LP. There are other issues too, like if the child
was average then he or she would be taller than Muir. Would the child have a
hard time respecting Muir due to the height difference? Or, if the child was a
LP, would Muir and his wife be too over protective? Although these were
important questions, Muir and his wife were unable to have children, thus, this
situation was never an issue.
Muir and his wife Laura are not different from other
couples. Although there is a difference in their height, Muir and Laura love
each other. The reality is that sometimes other people perceive the difference
in their height as a big problem but Muir and Laura love and respect each
other. In closing, when two people are in a relationship they work together to
overcome various obstacles and with the right attitude and a high level of
commitment to each other the relationship succeeds no matter what.
Disabilities and
Sexuality:
A Reference List of
Books and Other Resources
By Emily Holmes
At some point all young adults start thinking
about:
-
Dating,
-
Sexuality,
and
-
Relationships.
There are books and other resources on these
topics that deal with dating and disabilities.
But, these resources can be hard to find. Sex education classes in schools usually do
not cover these topics in relation to disabilities. This makes it tough for many young adults with
disabilities to learn about these topics.
Below is a reference list. The
list has some books and other resources out there about disabilities and
sexuality.
Books
Autistics’ Guide to Dating: A Book By
Autistics, For Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Who Are in Love with Them
By Emilia Murray Ramey and Jody John Ramey
Jessica Kingsley Publishers,
Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love,
Sex, and Relationships for People with Disabilities (and the People who Care
About Them)
By Ken Kroll and Erica Levy Klein
No Limitations Communications,
Sexuality After Spinal Cord Injury:
Answers to Your Questions
By
Paul H. Brooks Publishing Co.,
Men are from Mars, Women are from
Venus
By John Gray
HarperCollins Publishers,
Most of these books are about disabilities
and sexuality. There is one book that
does not focus just on disabilities and sexuality (Men are from Mars, Women
are from Venus). This book is still
a good resource for people with disabilities.
Just because a person is disabled does not mean that he or she should
only read books about disabilities and sexuality. Some things affect people with and without
disabilities in the same way. There are
books out there about sexuality that are for anyone.
You can also contact a national disability
group that focuses on a specific disability.
An example is the Spina Bifida Association of America. These groups might publish books and other resources
on sexuality.
Organizations
National Coalition to Support Sexuality Education
(NCSSE) – www.ncsse.org
Sex Information and Education Counsel of the
United States (SIECUS) – www.siecus.org
Sexual Health Network, inc. – www.sexualhealth.com
Also…
Check out www.disaboom.com. This is a network for people with
disabilities. The network is used to
share information. There are articles
that people have written on disabilities and sexuality. Once you get to the website click on
“Living.” Next, click on
“Lifestyles.” Lastly, click on “Dating
and Relationships.”
Only a small number of books and other
resources are listed above. There are a
lot more books and other resources available.
Check out these websites and books for more resources.
A Member’s Story:
By Tommy Horejes
My position is a Disability Policy
Analyst. At the same time, I am entering
the third-year of my doctorate program at Arizona State. I am specializing in
disability policy. I work on 16th floor of Phoenix’s City Hall, and
as I look at the beautiful Camelback Mountains from my office I think about how
I made it this far at the age of 28.
One of the turning points of my life was NYLN.
It has led me to where I am today.
I attended the NYLN conference in the summer of 1998. I was only 18 years old. Then I was invited to attend the advanced
leadership institute hosted by NLYN.
After that, I served on the Governing Board for two years. I was also
involved with two committees within NYLN.
With all of this, NYLN had given me the tools to be successful. I was ready to start on my journey!
My first experience was very empowering. I
met others who shared the same goals and passions in life. We had the energy, passion, devotion, and
determination to succeed, but we lacked the tools to help reach success. This was where NYLN came in. NYLN held
workshops on advocacy, independent living, empowerment, and knowing one’s
rights. NYLN also had brainstorming sessions on important disability
issues. These are some of my
accomplishments:
In 2000 I worked for the Congressman Ed Pastor in Phoenix. I was a planner, researcher, educator, and
advocate in community relations. I
worked with state and federal departments, agencies and divisions. We created projects, programs, and services
in community relations.
In 2004, while I was getting my Masters at Arizona State University, I
was honored to work for Mayor Neil Giuliano in the City of Tempe. I did research and analysis.
Then I reported directly to the mayor and chief of staff on policy and
programs in various departments and divisions.
In 2006 I accepted a four-year fellowship as a Faculty Associate at
Arizona State University’s School of Justice and Social Inquiry as a doctoral
student.
In 2007 I took a job with the City of Phoenix’s Parks and Recreation
Department as a project leader on their ADA/Inclusion programs. I made policies
and procedures to ensure that all programs and services are accessible to
everyone.
I know there are many more opportunities and
challenges for me. As I look back at
each accomplishment, I know that NYLN provided me with the tools that I
needed. Because of NYLN I can continue
on this journey toward success. Leading on!
International Corner
Finding Wonder
and Rhythm in the Culture of Bahrain
By Hillary Page
As the sun sets, I am swimming in the Persian Gulf with Laura. She holds my waist as I wade around in the cool water, taking in my surroundings. I see Laura’s wheelchair covered in sand and the sun and moon both raised high above our heads. And then it hits me for the hundredth time: I am in Bahrain surrounded by amazing people. My outlook on the world keeps changing, more than I could have ever imagined. Over the course of the three-week Mobility International USA/Bahrain Youth Citizenship for Disability Inclusion Exchange Program, the realization that I was growing and learning occurred to me so often that it should seem obvious and commonplace.
When I applied for the
international exchange program, the idea of traveling to Bahrain with other
teenagers with disabilities seemed like a dream. No matter how hard I tried, I
could not picture myself in the Middle East, nor as a U.S. high school student
ambassador abroad. Not that I didn’t want to. I just didn’t know what to
picture. Will there be camels roaming the street? Dirt roads? Will Bahrain be a vast desert
with a red sky and a blazing sun? As it turned out, my participation in the
exchange not only spread international awareness regarding disability rights.
It opened my eyes to see the world as it truly is – not as it is believed to
be.
While preparing for the
exchange, I thought a lot about culture shock. I have never experienced culture
shock before and I wasn’t sure why all my travel books had sections about it.
The concept seemed exciting and I approached it with a “bring it on” mentality.
Once I was in Bahrain, what I experienced seemed more like “culture wonder.”
Every aspect of Bahrain (the food, the architecture, and the friendly people)
seemed like gems to treasure.
As I prepared to meet my fellow
delegates before flying as a group to Bahrain, my mind was racing with
questions. Will they like me? Will we be friends? Will they have disabilities
like me? I saw some delegates I already knew, and some new faces that looked as
eager and nervous as I did. We talked about our excitement for the trip and
what we were looking forward to, quickly transforming from strangers to
friends. Though I didn’t know it then, these new friends would soon become my
family. During the trip, we were all challenged in our own individual ways
because we all came from different backgrounds. Once
arriving in Bahrain, not a moment during the program went to waste. We stayed
in a youth hostel (which is like a dormitory), visited museums and historical
sites, and participated in various workshops on disability rights, the
environment, and leadership. We also volunteered at an archeological site, rode
a camel, swam in the Persian Gulf, attended cultural celebrations, and much
more. The huge range of activities helped to truly experience the Arab culture.
For example, I had a more in-depth feel of the culture of Bahrain when I was a
lunch guest in a Bahraini home. There, I learned women and men typically do not
eat in the same rooms. Inside of a Bahraini home, various buildings connect by
roofless hallways. I was amazed at the beautiful architecture of the home and
their two separate kitchens!
Throughout the program,
Bahraini teenagers with disabilities accompanied us to activities, but during a
five-day retreat to Hawar Island I roomed with, Amal, a Bahraini delegate who
shared her lifestyle with me. Mostly we communicated through pictures and
charades because she spoke as much English as I spoke Arabic (very little).
Heading back from the retreat, Sara, another Bahraini delegate, and Amal taught
me how to play a drum. I will never forget being surrounded by my Bahraini
friends as they cheered when I finally got the rhythm down.
Niels Bohr once said, “The opposite of a
correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth.” While in Bahrain, I learned two profound
truths: the world is small, and the world is large. In the small sense, I knew
I was just a short nine-hour plane ride from my home. In a larger sense, I knew
that I could be in an entirely different culture of the world in just a matter
of hours. There are so many cultures and people for such a small area! Once I
travel the whole world, it may seem very small because I have covered it all.
Or it may seem very large because I will have seen how much there is to cover.
I plan to find out either way.
As for now, my worldview includes wonderful
people, beautiful cultures, and fascinating lifestyles all over the world that
are both similar and different from my own. And, there are many problems to
solve, too. In Bahrain, disability rights are a very new concept, but I am
happy to see that the Bahraini government is working on the issue with input
from other teens with disabilities. By working together, America and Bahrain
can learn how to address disability rights; America can learn from Bahrain,
just as I learned from Amal. If we take the effort to know each other, we will
never cease to be amazed by how much we can grow and change.
Hillary Page, a high school student,
has Dysgraphia and Attention Deficit Disorder. She is a leader who has learned
to advocate for her rights in order to achieve her goals. Graduating middle
school at the top of the class, this self-advocacy gave her a desire to
increase the awareness of disabilities, and she aspires to be a medical doctor
specializing in learning disabilities. Page is very involved in music, theatre
and service activities for her community.
Are you interested in going abroad?
Contact the National Clearinghouse on Disability and Exchange to learn how!
Email: clearinghouse@miusa.org,
Tel/TTY: 541-343-1284, Web: http://www.miusa.org/ncde.
To learn more about Bahrain, go to: http://www.miusa.org/ncde/intlopportunities/bahrain.
During
one workshop, I learned how to safely guide blind people. In this picture,
I am using the skills I learned to guide Hoorya, a blind Bahraini delegate,
and Hannah, a blind American delegate.
In this picture, from right to left, U.S. delegates Sarah,
Molly, Alyssa, and I spell out ‘MIUSA’, the organization who sponsored us,
in American Sign Language.
In this picture, the U.S. and Bahraini delegates discuss
their lifestyles and education systems during a workshop at Hawar Island.
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NYLN
thanks the following organizations for their ongoing Support and mentorship.
Professional
partners are essential so NYLN can be empowered to serve you.
Black Hills Special Services Cooperative
2885 Dickson Drive
PO Box 218
Sturgis, SD 57785
www.bhssc.org
TheArcLink, Inc.
320 W. 8th St., Suite 126
Bloomington, IN 47404
www.thearclink.org
Computer Savers, Inc.
computersaversinc@yahoo.com
571-285-6688
Park Bethesda Apartments
5325 Westbard Ave.
Bethesda, MD
20816
